You need to hear it again: Tell them again. Again. And again.

“Well, we told them that in the last email, so we don’t need to tell them again.”

Oh my dear deluded humans.

I’ve had this conversation multiple times with both clients and, when I worked in-house, with colleagues. Especially among subject matter experts, there is a resistance to being repetitive in communications. When I recommend reinforcing information with repeated message delivery, I immediately get pushback.

“We already told them that. We don’t need to tell them again.”

Yes you do. You have to tell them again.

Here’s what this blog covers:

1. 1. 1. 1. 1. Why we have to say things multiple times.

            2. Why we don’t want to.

            3. Why you should over-communicate.

            4. The three things you can never say too often.

1. Why We Have To Say Things Multiple Times

We are distracted as all get out. We know we are distracted. We know we can ignore a funny sound under the car, a begging child, a raging global pandemic. We know we will stop feeding the baby (for a second!) if the phone chimes. We know we are only half-watching TV, and only half-reading an email, and when the show is over and the email is closed, we won’t remember the content of either the show or the email.

We all know this.

But at the same time, we think other people are hanging on our words—they are hanging on our words so much, that they only need to hear them once, and they will remember them and act on them the first time. One and done!

There’s a ton of reasons why you should repeat yourself!

• • • They were skimming, half-reading while not thinking.
    • There was a squirrel.
    • They didn’t like what you said, so they ignored it, hoping you will go away.
    • They didn’t understand what you were saying because you used too much jargon and your sentence structure is incredibly passive to the point they made it into a Spotify white noise channel.
    • They were skimming.
    • You’re telling them what you want to tell them, instead of what they actually want to know.
    • They didn’t understand you because you buried the lede and they didn’t know why they needed the information.
    • There was a squirrel.
    • None of your information seemed new, so it didn’t attract them and stick.
    • The information was new, so they didn’t know what to do with it and put it aside.
    • None of your information seemed urgent.
    • None of your information seemed relevant.
    • You said so much they didn’t know what was important and so disregarded all of it.
    • They didn’t like what you said.
    • They didn’t believe you.
    • They were skimming.
    • There was a squirrel.
    • They plan on ignoring you, and then they will claim they didn’t know whatever it is you were trying to tell them.

2. Why We Don’t Want To Repeat Ourselves
   

There are so many reasons why clients, who are also people, resist the idea of being repetitive and/or over-communicate. It’s interesting, because while they cognitively might understand the need for repetition and message consistency, there is a very emotional reluctance to doing it.

“It seems weird to tell them the same thing over and over again.”

“It’s my job to tell them, not to make them listen. If they’re not listening, that’s on them.”

“It will get boring. For them and for me.”

“It feels disrespectful, to be repetitive. I don’t want us (me) to seem pushy or scoldy.”

“I don’t want them to tune us out.” (In other words, “I don’t want to be ignored.”)

Especially in the PNW, the resistance to communication seems very cultural, in a cartoonish Norwegian-fisherman kind of way. There’s an emotional modesty there, of not wanting to be “too much.”

3. Why You Should Over-Communicate.

You know what’s interesting about all those reasons? They’re very self-conscious. We don’t want to over-communicate because it will make us feel uncomfortable.

But we’re not communicating for ourselves. We’re communicating for our audiences. And they NEED us to over-communicate. We have information they NEED. Therefore, they NEED us to get past the noise. They need us to help them understand the importance of the information, and what to do with it.

They even need us to communicate about issues we can’t talk directly about.

I know it’s a little suspect to have a communication consultant advise more communication, but lest you think that I am a hammer who thinks every problem is a nail, here is an example.

Say you are an employer, and you have an employee who is a wicked, wicked thief. They take company money, equipment, and other people’s pudding cups. Everyone knew about the pudding cups, and if you’re the kind of person to steal your co-worker’s pudding, well, you’re the kind of person to falsify expense reports. The employee gets fired, their manager gets reprimanded, the whole staff knows (or think they do). Customers know. The local newspaper knows. People want to know what happened.

The lawyers will tell you, “Don’t comment on HR matters.”

Yes and no. For both privacy and liability reasons, take your lawyers’ advice. Coming from local government, I’m pretty conservative about those situations. When the lawyers say “Don’t comment on the employee,” then do not comment on the employee.

And then immediately begin over-communicating. There is still a screaming need for information, and you need to fill it—or someone else will.

Yes, it is true that people WANT to hear the gossipy, gory details of the person’s crimes and punishments. That’s the part they don’t get to have, sorry.

But there is other information they NEED, and some of that information might need to be repeated a few times before it sinks in. In the case of the wicked, wicked thief, different audiences need different information:

• • • Employees need to know there is no tolerance for theft, and there is also a fair investigation and discipline process;
    • Customers need to know their needs will still get met regardless of staff turnover, and maybe also that waste is not tolerated and employees are treated fairly;
    • Stockholders and maybe the general public need to know the situation is under control;
    • Policymakers need to know that the checks and balances are working and that no new regulation or government oversight is needed.

Each group may need that information several times before it sinks in. This is where consistency and repetition are effective, and where you may need to get in more detail. Just to dig deeper on the information needs of employees: They  need to know there is no tolerance for theft so that they don’t attempt it. They also need to know that you don’t just fire everyone who gets accused of stealing a pudding cup. They also need to know that if they do screw up and get fired, they still have a right to privacy and you won’t shit-talk them in public. You can, and should, over-communicate on all those issues.

4. The Three Things You Can Never Say Too Often

People get professional communication help for three basic reasons: they are doing something new and want to tell their story; they want to improve how they tell their story; they stepped in poop and need to fix it.

For all those situations, consistency and persistence really matter.

• “A change is coming. Here’s what to expect.” Humans do not like change. We especially do not like change if someone else is driving it. It’s not a bad thing; even good change is stressful, and stress comes with an emotional and physical cost. Resisting and avoiding stress is a reasonable act of self-preservation, and it’s foolish to presume otherwise.That said, sometimes it is necessary for us to force change on others. Over-communicating about that change will reduce the stress levels around it, and make it easier for people to manage. Sometimes this change is as straightforward as changing a garbage collection day. (This seems like a small change. It is not. People go crazy, I kid you not.) Sometimes the change is much, much larger, affecting strongly held beliefs, like a conservative church deciding to welcome gay couples. In either situation, you’ll need a non-stop flow of information.
• “Thank you for…” Be specific with this one. People want to be seen and recognized. Communication is not about the sender. It is about the audience. Full stop. When you begin and end with “thank you,” you are sending the message that you truly see them. When they feel seen by you, it will be easier for them to listen to you. What’s more, if you do truly see them—their burdens, concerns, worries—your communications will improve and the speed of change will accelerate.
• “I love you.” Life isn’t just work, you know. The universe conserves mass and energy, but love is exponential. Pair “I love you” with “thank you” and your world will change.(And if you know that I’m right about the effectiveness of repetition when it comes to love, perhaps you should give me the benefit of the doubt when it comes to repetition in all messaging? Just a thought for all the “one and done” skeptics out there.)

Onward!