Phineas and Ferb is simply one of the greatest shows ever written.
On Disney from 2008-2015, Phineas and Ferb has a formula so perfectly honed that when they did a caveman episode with the dialogue completely in grunts, even occasional viewers could recognize—and delight in—the running gags. It also has a gorgeously simple premise, right in the theme song:
“There’s 104 days of summer vacation,
and school comes along just to end it;
So the annual problem for our generation;
is finding a good way to spend it!”
Of all the great researchers and writers I’ve read in the last year, Phineas Flynn might be my favorite.
I went on a business-retreat last weekend. Maybe it’s silly to think a tiny business like mine needs a strategic planning business retreat. But a lot has happened in the last few years, and a lot more is going to happen in the next dozen years. I have a mashup of plans and opportunities, and while it’s nice to have options, decision-making is stressful and I’d delayed some of it too long.
When I first started planning my retreat, my intention was to think through the Whats?
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- What work do I want to be doing in 10 years? 15? 20?
- What should I do this year, to make those things happen?
- What can I really get done in a day?
- What other education and experience do I need?
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Those are the questions I thought I needed for peace of mind. I was going to line up my options, do some cost-benefit analysis, break strategies into steps, put milestones on a timeline and voila! A plan. My worries would dissolve.
But as I got closer to the retreat, other questions kept popping up— questions I’d been trying to ignore.
Like a lot of people, maybe most, I manage a little anxiety. It’s not debilitating, but it is distracting. Like the low-level hum of powerlines, a constant message of vague dissatisfaction was getting into every corner of my mind. It’s like having a Karen footnote my gratitude journal.
The questions I was ignoring were all about How.
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- How do I want to spend each day?
- How should I feel at the end of the day?
- How can I feel so bad when I have so much good stuff?
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No amount of professional growth would matter if Karen continuously tore it down. I needed the weekend to try to get Karen out by the roots, or I’d risk having a great life without enjoying a day of it. In the last week of 2021, I kept wondering, What do I want my life to feel like?
Because right now, it feels like a never-ending shit-to-do list. Right now, I wake up every day, feeling burdened by mundane tasks and inadequate to any truly important work. My attention is eaten by boring stuff, and I never actually finish the boring stuff, as there’s ALWAYS more boring stuff.
There’s a lot of cultural talk that “This is just how it is with kids” and “Welcome to modern life” and “If you don’t eat yer meat, you can’t have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat yer meat?”
I call bullshit on that. It’s a copout. Or maybe mass defeatism is a new opiate for the masses. Once we quit improving our own lives, it’s easy to quit improving our communities and our country. So… yeah. It’s okay to try to make things better, even starting with your own insignificant little self.
Instead of trying harder to ignore it, I decided to listen closer to the negative self-talk. In summary: It’s crap. No other way to put it. Most mornings, before even my limbs can move, I start cataloging how I’m falling behind. This goes on all day, as the tasks keep building up. I wake up before 5 a.m., so it can be a long day of feeling like a failure.
Internal pep talks weren’t enough. I needed to counter Karen at the subconscious level, so I started reading. I read Deep Work. I read Immunity to Change. I read Punk Rock for Business. I read Arthur Brooks, Angela Duckworth, Brene Brown, Shankar Vedantam and others. I listened to podcasts, made lists, wrote quotes on sticky notes.
I had a thousand big ideas churning in my head. And right before I got to the beach, like Willy Wonka’s Everlasting Gobstopper Machine, my subconscious spat out a simple, marvelous thought: Phineas.
Phineas, who starts every summer day by saying these magic words to his brother.
“Ferb, I know what we’re going to do today.”
And sure, the rest of the episode is kid-cartoon stuff. They build a roller-coaster, form a band, go back in time, party on Saturn, whatever. But I love Phineas’ opener.
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- He has ambition for a clear and constructive purpose. Phineas is a creative kid. There are a million ideas in that little triangle head. But every episode, every day, he settles on one, single, amazing thing to make or build. And he goes all in on that one thing.
- He has excitement and confidence. I haven’t watched the show in years, but his tone of voice stuck in my head. He doesn’t have to persuade anyone to join him—people just respond to him. He has a vision and is going to have fun. Hard to resist[6].
- It’s just about today. I heard Glennon Doyle interview Kate Bowler. Dr. Bowler was 35 and with a 2-year-old son when she was diagnosed with stage IV cancer. She said, “There was a time when I stopped using the future tense.” As a parent, I’m haunted by the implications of that sentence. I also appreciate the warning that really, all we have is today. Don’t trade this moment for a theoretical future moment. All of Phineas and Ferb’s projects are done in a day.
- It’s always with friends. Everyone is always invited, everyone has something to contribute to the day’s shenanigans. Phineas is invariably welcoming, encouraging and positive. And even though his sister Candace is always trying to get him in trouble, she is still always included.
- It’s always fun. Phineas and Ferb are not really trying to solve the problem of “What are we going to do today?” They’re actually solving for “How are we going to have fun today?”[7] If you started every day by thinking, “How am I going to have fun today?” wouldn’t you naturally de-prioritize some busy work and allow some fun to seep in?
- They celebrate. At the end of the day, they clean up their messes, say goodbye to their friends, and go to bed happy. As Tony Robbins once said, “I come to the end of each day bone-tired and victorious.” It’s easy to feel bone-tired, but sometimes we forget to take a victory lap. (Or we think we don’t deserve it.) Take the lap.
In one short sentence, Phineas Flynn sums up millions of hours of research and hundreds of years of philosophy. Want a perfect life? Or a perfect summer day? Have a single, ambitious, constructive goal. Do it with friends. Treasure today. Have fun. Celebrate the win.
THAT is the feeling I want to have, when I start the day.
Even though Phineas is the answer I was looking for, I still went to the beach for a retreat weekend. It was amazing. I did a vision board to remind myself daily of specific components for my good life: Have a healthy body and an active mind. Focus on people and ideas. Spread and savor joy.
I also updated my business strategic plan. I have about 15-20 working years left, and I want to make them count. I also want to enjoy them. I cut projects that didn’t feel essential. I made time for projects that filled me with “terrifying longing.” I’m developing habits and accountability to support those ambitions.
I also reexamined opportunities that scared me, and realized I was looking at them the wrong way. They are going to be awesome. I’m going to do them with friends.
I know what I’m going to do today. And how.
[1] You don’t spend enough time with them. You’re glad when they go to their dad’s so you can go deep on work. What kind of mother does that?
[2] But what about 6 months from now? Also, none of it is of lasting impact. What’s your legacy, a bunch of press releases no one remembers and a bunch of advice the clients ignored? Way to go, Mother Teresa.
[3] They’re only nice to your face because you have a title. They’re really bitching about you and wish you were gone.
[4] Pretty squishy around the middle, actually. Certainly more than this time last year. It’s going to be harder to lose, considering your age.
[5] But no boyfriend. You’re not anyone’s first choice. Probably because you’re A Little Much. Have you tried toning it down?
[6] Fans of the show know that his big sister Candace absolutely can resist, and like a true Karen, actively tries to stop the fun from happening. Candace will grow up to be a Karen, if she’s not careful. Luckily, she has two little brothers who are there to show her that there is a different way of living a life, if she’s only accept the invitation to join them. She is like a Bond girl in that way. Bond doesn’t have a character arc, but the Bond girl often has a change of heart and changes sides. Let’s hope Candace does the same.
[7] What about all the people who can’t have fun? Should you be having fun when others are not having fun? Do you have a right to be happy when other people are unhappy? You should make them happy first, then you can have your happy after. What about racism? How can you be happy when there’s racism? You can be happy after racism.