If you are in Portland or Seattle, I don’t need to tell you—it’s the darkest day of the year.
Public Utilities Fortnightly reports that the average American home has 67 light bulbs. Despite being surrounded by all that brilliance, we still feel the darkest day. It feels like sleepiness or apathy or depression or all of the above—all leading to a strong inclination to stay in bed with extra blankets.
There’s a very natural, human instinct to strike back against the dark with bonfire and light candles. Those are all signs of hope and resistance, and all to the good.
But before we rush to spread Christmas cheer by singing loud for all to hear, let me offer this: Let it be dark.
Not long, necessarily. A few minutes, an hour, a day. Don’t get lost in it. But think of the sound when the power goes off. You know the sound, when all at once, every single motor, computer fan and humming light shuts off, all at once? It’s like the whole house exhales, right? And everyone has the same thought: Thank GOD. Now I don’t have to do anything. No emails, no laundry, no dishes. Just eat the ice cream before it melts.
So give yourself that. Turn everything off. TV, phone, email. Let it be dark and still for a few hours. Rest your eyes. Rest your face. Give determined optimism a break. No one’s watching. Let it be quiet so your can hear past all the scary, noisy, urgent, demanding obligations of the world. (Other people think this too.)
It’s been a year. Friends and family have died. We’ve suffered another 365 days of isolation and uncertainty. Relationships have been strained, communities have been divided. It’s hard to cultivate a sense of shared purpose when everyone is alone. Our kids are hurting. They were outstandingly resilient and adaptive at first, no question, but this has gone on too long.
Putting Christmas lights on cranes is not going to be enough, is what I’m saying.
(This seems depressing and not obviously work related, I know, but stick with me!)
Here’s the thing…As soon as we feel threatened or scared, we kick into fight-or-flight. Whether it’s a personal or professional stress, we know a threat is coming, and we want ACTION! Big, showy, combative action.
The problem is that our world and its threats are WAY more complex than just a snake on the path.
A lot of my 2021 work year has been focused on crisis communications and emergency response, and it’s made me think deeply about how our brains have REALLY not caught up with the complexity of our dangers. It seems as if our brains try to simplify the danger so we can respond faster. In doing that, our brains often misidentify the actual problem.
For example: Imagine you are a pilot, and all the passengers on your airplane start to scream and run around. Your first instinct is to want the screaming passengers to SIT DOWN and SHUT UP. But really, the problem is not that the passengers are screaming. The problem is that the cabin is filling up with deadly snakes.
The most essential part of my work is to help clients to listen past the alarms and identify the real problem. We must see everything that is happening (screaming, running, snakes, evil plot) and decide on what to work on first (snakes).
This is extremely hard to do, when our whole lives feel overwhelmed with screaming passengers and deadly snakes.
Individually and collectively, we need to restore our ability to differentiate between the alarms and the threats. Sitting in the dark is uncomfortable at first, sure, but it’s wildly profitable. After a period of reduced stimulation, you relax. Your thinking clarifies. Patience and curiosity have the space to return. Discernment improves. You can see how working on one problem will solve the other problems. The future doesn’t seem so overwhelming: you know what needs to be done, and you turn the lights back on and get to work.
Take Inventory
The phrase “count your blessings” bugs the living crap out of me, but I do like to take an inventory and I am truly grateful for the people in my life. These and many others have been my safety net, and I love them.
A few notables:
- Lund Faucett, who I love working with so much! Vanessa and Kris are so smart and so hardworking, I am fully flattered any time they call on me. They also focus on defining the problem correctly so it can be solved effectively, and they have taught me so much.
- Northwest Healthcare Response Network: Holy grace under fire, Batman. This team is calm, polite, supportive, courteous and works every day to help Washington residents get healthcare—a continuous feat of coordination and innovation. They work so hard and behind the scenes, quietly building the systems that make it possible for the healthcare system to bend and flex. I am awed every day by their extraordinary levels of professionalism and mutual care-taking.
- Hubbell Communications and the Chronic Disease Coalition board: These good people let me come into their work lives (Hubbell) and their organization (CDC) and start asking uncomfortable questions and doing stuff.
After nearly 2 years of Pandemia and four years of sole proprietorship, I have the ultimate work-social mix—I maintain Sunshine Communication projects and with the gravy of working with a team. So many thanks to Zach Hyder and Gina Maffei for making it work, and for being old friends from Day 1.
- The Sound View Strategies crowd, who continue to share projects and office space and the bar cart. Would have lost my mind without them some days.
- Zeitgeist Coffee. Every grocery store checker. Every hospital employee. Every vaccine scientist. USPS.
- Friends. Much to the surprise of my children, I did manage to maintain a few friendships outside of work, even though I secretly can’t wait to work together again because work is my love language. Here’s looking at you, Nicole, Tina, Raj, Beth, Matt, Kelly, and Marty!
I’m going to go dark a couple of times in the next few weeks; I hope you do too. Let our frazzled minds heal and recharge, in this quietest part of the year. And then I’m going to give thanks, turn on the lights and the updated playlist, and get to work. 2022 is going to need all of us at our best.
With love and light,
Mary Kay